Prison Break: New Jersey

If you got arrested and were sent to jail, how would you decorate your cell?

Lights? Plants? Plants with lights on them? Drawings? Paintings? Paintings about drawings?

Personally, I'd put up posters of my favorite things.

1. A poster of my friend whose name rhymes with Gino - only because he's one of my favorite people of all time. And his name is cool.

2. A poster of AMC Theaters in Rockaway, New Jersey - because it's the best theater in Jersey! It has the same great stadium seating setup that the Jersey Gardens theater has, but without the horrible smell! Plus, the people are generally more quiet. The type of people that go to Jersey Gardens are ... well, ya know ... loud. Loud in a thug kind of way. Basically, it's where thugs go in order to escape their reality of thuglife and enjoy movies.

3. A poster of a Great White Shark - because it's my favorite shark ever. Ever. And people misunderstand these beautiful creatures. They're not out to eat you people! In fact, when they get close to you, they're probably just there out of curiosity. They say curiosity killed the cat. Well, I say the cat probably jumped into a shark's mouth and died.

But unfortunately, if I do go to jail, I won't be able to decorate my cell the way I want to.

Because of these dudes:

Apparently, they escaped Union County jail and hid the holes they made in the walls by using pinups of women in bikinis.

The result? Inmates were no longer allowed to pin up pictures from magazines on their walls.

Thanks a lot, Otis Blunt and Jose Espinosa! Thanks to you, if I ever go to jail, I'll never get to enjoy the three aforementioned posters. I'll be miserable, mostly because of you guys.

Now that I've said it out loud, Otis Blunt is a pretty cool name. I think I'd put up a poster of Otis Blunt as well.


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