Quotables

Highlights from my weekend.

FRIDAY - When I got home from work, Troy came over with some Portuguese food from a spot that he used to frequent near my apartment. He always talked about it but I had never tasted it.

Troy: C'mon let's eat. This shit is good.
Me: I'm sorry, but we have to go to West Coast Video first.
Troy: Why?
Me: We gotta rent a movie. Blu-ray, specifically.
Troy: Um okay? I don't get it.
Me: Troy, I like to watch movies when I eat dinner on a Friday at home. Especially when it's as delicious as what you've brought here tonight.
Troy: Let's do it. It's across the street anyway.
[30 - 40 minutes later]
Me: So much for that. I can never find anything. Let's watch Kiss Kiss Bang Bang on Blu-ray. I haven't even opened it yet.
Troy: Food's cold.

Later on, Sweet Mike and Dino came by. Dino was going to watch Cloverfield for the second time while Sweet Mike had yet to see it.

Sweet Mike: Did you really puke or were you lying about that?
Me: Would I really want to lie about puking? Does it make me look like a badass? C'mon!

SATURDAY - Alicia, a former BFF of mine (now we've upgraded to BFFAEAE) decided to hang out with us North Jerseyans. She forced me to go with her and Andrea (a BFF runner-up) to a place in Hackensack that does hair, nails, etc. Let's call this place The Vagina Waxing Place.

Waxer: Three Brazilians?
Alicia: No, just two.
Waxer: I'm sorry, I saw three and-
Me: It's okay. Do you do knuckles too?
[crickets]
Me: Okay, tough crowd. Yeah, I'll sit this one out.

Afterwards, we headed over to Garden State Plaza and met up with Jimmy. Alicia decided that she was going to be purchasing her first Apple! Andrea made an appointment to have her MacBook looked at. Our friend Don was working as well.

Andrea: My Yahoo search doesn't work right.
Me: Why the fuck are you using Yahoo? There's a Google bar right there.
Don: He's right. You do have a Google bar.
Andrea: I know, but slickdeal.net doesn't work either.
Me: How often must you look for these deals, woman? Jeez!
Andrea: See that? It goes to porn sites for no reason.
Me: Okay, I've never seen anyone fuck up their Mac as much as you have. I didn't know this was possible.
Jimmy: Yes, this is a first.
Me: Thank you, Jimmy the Shrimp. Andrea, you're wasting Don's time. Don, how's Lucille?
Don: She broke up with me a month ago.
Me: I just saw your Christmas pictures on Facebook.
Don: Damn it, you got me!

After she bought her MacBook, Alicia discussed the placebo pills in women's...yaknow, THE pill.

Me: Do you ever eat the placebo pills?
Alicia: I usually don't.
Me: So what do placebo pills taste like?
Alicia: Like placebo.
Me: Oh, okay. So placebo has a taste now.

Sweet Mike called me while I was at the mall.

Sweet Mike: Yo, I don't get Cloverfield.
Me: What do you mean?
Sweet Mike: I don't get it.
Me: It wasn't filmed in a traditional way. It was a group's account of the attack. We walk into the movie with questions, and we walk out of it with even more questions. It wasn't your typical Hollywood movie where everything is explained, there are heroes to save the day, and there's closure. This movie was not your typical Hollywood movie.
Sweet Mike: Yeah, I don't get it.
Me: I have to pee, Mike. I'll call you later.

SUNDAY- AFC & NFC Championship games.

Jimmy: Did you see G's away message? His brother might be gay.
Me: No way. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but no way!
Jimmy: Seriously.
Me: My Facebook profile says I'm gay. I changed it to "Interested in men" back in September I think.
Alicia: Why would you do that?
Me: I have no idea. Thought it was funny at the time.
Alicia: You're so gay.
Me: Only on Facebook!

I later discussed the events that transpired at Evan "The Bear Man" Abuello's apartment the night before. Dino, Lennard, and KillaCal were there; I was not.

Me: So how many girls were at Abuello's?
Dino: There were like seven.
Me: And you were doing what?
Dino: Motorboating them. Like in Wedding Crashers.
Me: I stayed home and watched Knocked Up with Alicia and you guys did what?
Dino: We were motorboating bitches. And dancing, and jumping as quietly as possible, and taking pictures. We had a video of four girls and one cake.
Me: Okay, so did anything else happen? Did you hook up with a girl, or maybe a guy?
Dino: Nah, mainly motorboating.
Me: Damn.
Dino: Oh, and I was motoroboating this one girl while her boyfriend was in the next room.
Me: You're all about girls with boyfriends*.
Dino: That's how I do.

*here's an example