Review My Johnson

I've experienced a few things over the weekend, and I shall now review them.

// DVD & Blu-ray Reviews

Rocket Science - This was a pretty good movie. I think I laughed at parts that weren't supposed to be funny. I know Evan did. Anyway, it's a story about a boy who has a huge stuttering problem and he's recruited by a masterful debater to join her in her quest to dominate debates. It's an indie movie - there's some weird parts to it, a bunch of funny scenes, and there are some life lessons in here. I think. It's debatable.
4 out of 5 Johnsons


Rescue Dawn - I finally bought a Blu-ray. After maybe three or four weeks of indecisiveness, I finally bought one. And this one is damn good. The events in the movie are based on a true story. Christian Bale plays a prisoner of war in Laos. He teams up with Steve Zahn - who has a surprisingly great performance - and the rest of the POWs on a mission to escape. The movie has quite a depressing tone, but there are sequences of action here for fans of action sequences. The most amazing part is how Christian Bale appeared to be 100 pounds by the end of the movie (his normal weight is 180; he actually dropped to 130 for The Machinist, and muscled up to 220 for Batman Begins). He really does go all out for his roles. I think he's currently my favorite dramatic actor. Kudos to Bale.
4 out of 5 Johnsons


Eagle vs Shark - This could quite possibly be the weirdest movie I have ever seen. It stars Jemaine Clement from the band and the show Flight of the Conchords, and Loren Horsley. Again, this is another indie film. I can't even begin to describe the plot and the absurdity of some of the scenes. You have to see it to understand the ridiculousness of the movie. I, for one, am a fan of over-the-top weirdness, strange awkward moments/situations, and a strong ensemble cast. This movie had all of them. It's obvious my rating system is flawed because this movie gets the full Johnson treatment.
5 out of 5 Johnsons


// Video Game Reviews


Everyday Shooter (PS3) - For $10, this game is a steal! I downloaded it a few months ago, but I was so confused by the gameplay at first, that I gave up. This past weekend, my friends and I were bored so we decided to play it. Good thing we were bored! If you own a PlayStation 3, you have to buy this game! Jonathan Mak created this wonderful shooter and all I can say is that it is highly addictive. Each level is one song that lasts for about 4 minutes, and each level has its own style of play with different ways to make chain reactions (which is how you gain points). There are a total of 8 levels/songs, but you can unlock many other "mods" to increase the replay value of this game. The controls are pretty good, the music is fantastic, and the accompanying visual treats are outstanding. You can purchase it from Sony's PlayStation Store if you own a PlayStation 3.
5 out of 5 Johnsons


// Television Reviews


Californication - My friend iCal suggested that I check out this Showtime original series. I've watched half of Season One's dozen episodes so far, and I must say that this is a great show. David Duchovny (why won't you looove me) recently won the Golden Globe for Lead Actor in a Comedy Series for his role as Hank Moody. Hank is a writer who hasn't written anything in five years. He lives in L.A. where he is an unmarried single father who's still in love with his daughter's mother. He's also "drowning in pointless pussy." Got it? Good. I'll finish the rest of the show some time this week or the next, and I'll let you know how I truly feel about it. But halfway through, I really like it. In fact, I love it. I'm just not sure if I'm in love with it, but only time will tell. Check out the trailer above.
So far: 4.5 out of 5 Johnsons


// Miscellaneous Reviews


My Passport - One of my friends is lucky, or unlucky depending on how you look at it, to be under the age of 21. I looked at my passport and I realized that if he spiked his hair and wore glasses, he could pass for my passport. And on Friday night, he did! I also had to let him borrow an old dress shirt, a favorite nonetheless, and a pair of shoes. It was almost like cloning a younger version of myself. That night, iCal was Jones Johnson circa 2002. Fantastic! He played the part of JJ accurately: he did not talk to any ladies. Just lik me! Yay!
7.5 out of 5 Johnsons