Gmail's been acting up so my first entry isn't exactly what I wanted it to be.
Anyway, here's the link to my new blog:
http://www.jonesjohnson.net
As promised, there are considerably less keystrokes than http://jonesjohnson.blogspot.com, but don't forget the dot net!
Monday, March 24, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
k back
Hey guys, Lent is over. I guess that means I'm gonna start blogging again.
I'll post the link to my new blog tomorrow. It's not really anything amazing. It's just four less keystrokes for you to type in the URL box.
Um yeah, so check back here tomorrow for the link to my new blog.
Happy Easter!
I'll post the link to my new blog tomorrow. It's not really anything amazing. It's just four less keystrokes for you to type in the URL box.
Um yeah, so check back here tomorrow for the link to my new blog.
Happy Easter!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
brb
I've just been informed by my religious friends that Lent has begun. So in giving up a few things, I also made the difficult decision to include blogging. In addition to that, I'll be attempting to live my life without eating sandwiches (HIMYM reference), Newport 100s, AIM, Facebook, Myspace, text messaging, fast food, soda, picking my nose while driving, hanging out with people, going to parties, American Idol, letting my laundry pile up, and reading tech news. That last one is probably the hardest. Seriously.
So I guess I'll be back later? I guess? www.jonesjohnson.net will eventually happen. But probably not until maybe the summer or early fall.
Anyways ... according to Google Analytics, I have about 18-20 individual readers per day.
I want to know: who are you people?
I simply want to know who in his/her right mind reads this. I have friends that log onto this page just to see if they get mentioned. I have other friends hoping and wishing I write a funny post (that may happen every now and then). Sadly, I also have readers who read it because I remind them to.
But most importantly, I have people that lurk here; people who read my blog, but are ninjas about it. They don't ever leave comments. The rest of the hardcore readers are oblivious to these ninjas of my blogging universe. We want to know who you are. I want to know who you are. There are at least 18 of you who read this daily. I demand to know who you are!!1!
So please leave a comment below. As per usual, Grant Lee (mur) will be leaving all sorts of hateful comments. Or not. Perhaps just mentioning him will be enough to tame the comment beast. Nino might chime in with something witty. Gretel might make an appearance in the comments section. Local fangirl Julienne might also. Kevin and Calvin have done their fair share of responses. I have to mention that we are all patiently awaiting Allison to speak her mind. Anna Lai might want to defend her ski lift problems. Along with her, Les and Coy might also decide to finally comment. The great Peter Stizzle might decide to drop a dizzle, and so might his main squeeze Apes. Not sure if the last two really read, but that's 12 people. Who are the rest?!
Anyways ... brb
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Dazzled and Confuzzled
I wanted to try something new with my hair last night instead of the usual natural side-part. So after work, and before a party last night, I opened up an old can of d:fi's Pliable Molding Creme and smothered it all over my hair.
That was a bad idea. My hair transformed from an elegant mass of waves into a helmet.
Dumb.
I was going to wash it off before the party, but the problem was I didn't have any conditioner. My hair wouldn't have been what I wanted it to be unless it was conditioned. I left it as is. It didn't look half bad.
When I arrived home from the party, I did not want to fall asleep with that much product in my hair. Product would get on the pillow, and if I turn during sleep, product would get all up in my grillface.
I somehow managed to stumble my way into the bathroom, and just wash the damn product off. It was a gamble considering I only used shampoo. I don't really remember if I tried to towel dry it, but I woke up looking like a fool.
I awoke to a head of hair with its own personality. It had its own waves. It parted on the wrong side. It did its own thang.
Maybe that's what hair does when you don't style it the way you want to. It goes off on its own tangent, and figures out what it wants to do with itself. From the picture above, you can see that the part is on the left side. However, I part it on the right. I really really like the waves that were created though. It's fantastic.
I think I need to nap.
That was a bad idea. My hair transformed from an elegant mass of waves into a helmet.
Dumb.
I was going to wash it off before the party, but the problem was I didn't have any conditioner. My hair wouldn't have been what I wanted it to be unless it was conditioned. I left it as is. It didn't look half bad.
When I arrived home from the party, I did not want to fall asleep with that much product in my hair. Product would get on the pillow, and if I turn during sleep, product would get all up in my grillface.
I somehow managed to stumble my way into the bathroom, and just wash the damn product off. It was a gamble considering I only used shampoo. I don't really remember if I tried to towel dry it, but I woke up looking like a fool.
I awoke to a head of hair with its own personality. It had its own waves. It parted on the wrong side. It did its own thang.
Maybe that's what hair does when you don't style it the way you want to. It goes off on its own tangent, and figures out what it wants to do with itself. From the picture above, you can see that the part is on the left side. However, I part it on the right. I really really like the waves that were created though. It's fantastic.
I think I need to nap.
Friday, February 8, 2008
It ain't easy being Gleezy
Today is Grant H. Lee's 25th birthday. Yay.
Below are pics I found of Grant from a few years back (2003 mainly). I decided to show them so that we can honor the Great Gleezy and properly celebrate his birthday. Enjoy =)
[click picture for the larger version]
This is what happens when Grant and Nino are in Central Park looking for Dave Matthews.
We used to go to Newark Airport for absolutely no reason.
Here's another Central Park Moment brought to you by Gleezy and Nino.
My favorite of Grant's many ugly sneakers.
Ted <3 Gleezy.
Here, he is lovingly choking a Mexican.
Nino did a lot of sucking that night.
My personal favorite Grant Lee photograph.
Happy birthday, Grant! Keep the hateful comments coming. We love it over here at Team Jones Johnson.
=)
Below are pics I found of Grant from a few years back (2003 mainly). I decided to show them so that we can honor the Great Gleezy and properly celebrate his birthday. Enjoy =)
[click picture for the larger version]
This is what happens when Grant and Nino are in Central Park looking for Dave Matthews.
We used to go to Newark Airport for absolutely no reason.
Here's another Central Park Moment brought to you by Gleezy and Nino.
My favorite of Grant's many ugly sneakers.
Ted <3 Gleezy.
Here, he is lovingly choking a Mexican.
Nino did a lot of sucking that night.
My personal favorite Grant Lee photograph.Happy birthday, Grant! Keep the hateful comments coming. We love it over here at Team Jones Johnson.
=)
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Not so dreamy ...
After taking Paul Imperio's advice, I decided to register the domain www.jonesjohnson.net via the folks over at DreamHost last Tuesday. The domain www.jonesjohnson.com is already taken by two lawyers aptly named Jones and Johnson. I emailed them (using my Jones Johnson Yahoo account) asking whether their domain was available for sale or not. Now I'm sure it would cost a boatload, but those d-bags didn't even bother to respond. Lawyers. Ugh. Below, I've provided a screenshot below of the lawyers' lovely site.
Anyways, after over a week of me sending ridiculous emails to DreamHost, they finally approved my domain yesterday. Apparently, the dude who takes care of the approvals had a baby or something. Baby schmaby. But you know what really stinks? I can't redirect jonesjohnson.net over to this blog which is what I wanted to do in the first place, at least for the time being. DreamHost requires me to have a hosting plan with them in order to redirect. Lame-o.
Our staff has decided that we'll eventually have DreamHost take care of our hosting duties, although we're still shopping around. Team Jones Johnson plans on launching jonesjohnson.net some time this spring. It'll be full of the same dumbness you can find here, but with more features. I can't divulge any details, but you'll know soon enough. Probably useless things like videos that we make, photos of stupid things, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etc.
Oh, you say you want to see a few of the crazy messages I sent them? Hmm... Okay! I paid Dreamhost through Google Checkout. Now, I should've emailed DreamHost directly, but instead I used Google Checkout's system of contacting DreamHost.
I'll just copy & paste:
Jan 29 - Order placed -Your order was placed with DreamHost Web Hosting. A confirmation email was sent to you by Google.
Jan 29 - Order received - DreamHost Web Hosting received your order.
Jan 29 - Seller contacted - Message: "I just paid $9.95 to register www.jonesjohnson.net and I just checked the availability and it's still available. Is it possible someone may register it before it finishes processing? I noticed my account is still pending. This is my first time doing something like this."
Feb 4 - Seller contacted - Message: "I paid $10 last week in an attempt to register a domain name. That was Tuesday. It is now Monday. I still have no word on whether it went through. My web panel still tells me I'm pending. I've been pending for over a week. What is happening? I'm getting a little frustrated that I have not been contacted."
Feb 4 - Seller contacted - Message: "I noticed that the $9.95 charge already went through. That's awesome because my account IS STILL PENDING!!! What is happening??!! Nobody will return my emails. Jesus Christ!"
Feb 4 - Seller contacted - Message: "I'd like an answer IMMEDIATELY. I PAID 10 BUCKS FOR WHAT?! C'MON!"
Feb 4 - Seller contacted - Message: "I'd really like a response. That's all. I'm new to this, and I figured with today's technological advancements, that I'd be able to purchase a domain name easily and quickly. At first it seemed easy, and now it's nowhere near quick. I demand an answer! WTF IS GOING ON HERE!!"
Well, everything was taken care of yesterday, and one of the representatives emailed me apologizing for the wait. Blah blah blah. It's all good now.
I really have no idea what we plan on doing with the site...
But from the messages I sent them, I now realize that I'm obviously crazy.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
I challenge you to defeat me
Over the past few weeks, I've casually mentioned to my friends that I type pretty fast. It's not world record status or anything, but I'm probably the fastest among my friends.
How fast? Well not that fast. But here's a history of my typing:
1990 - I learned how to type at the age of 8 on one of those old school Apple computers when I attended St. Paul's Catholic School in Irvington, New Jersey.
1991 - I became the fastest typist in my class with a thunderous 13 words per minute (WPM).
1993 - My parents bought our first computer. I think it was a Packard Bell with a 25MHz Intel 486 processor. I typed faster than it could process the words on the screen.
1994 - I bought Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing (CD-ROM edition) because I wanted to learn even more about typing. I went for the intermediate section immediately.
1995 - My family joined America Online (AOL), and I discovered email, instant messaging, and chat rooms! This is one of the main reasons I became a fast typist.
1998 - I took a typing class in 8th grade, my final year at Heritage Middle School in Livingston, New Jersey. I clocked in at a reasonable 55 WPM. I was the fastest in my class.
2000 - I took another typing class when I attended Livingston High School (LHS) in Livingston, New Jersey. For the first half of the class, I decided to be a sloth and only type 30 WPM for shizzles and giggles. At the end, I was typing 80 WPM. I got an A in the class. Might've been an A+ actually.
2001 - This was the year I decided to join the Future Business Leaders of America (FBLA) at LHS. I wanted to compete in the Word Processing 1 competition, so I tried out and made it, obviously. The competition involved typing about 7 or 8 different types of documents in under one hour, and the competitors were judged on how fast they finished, whether the documents were formatted properly, and the number of errors made. Although I felt confident, I finished a disappointing 2nd place in the Regional Championship, but it was good enough to move on to the State Championships. I practiced a bit more in between. And then I did it! I won the 2001 FBLA State Championship in Word Processing 1! I could have gone on to the National Championship in California, but I didn't want to pay for the trip and I figured west coast typists might be insanely fast. My speed at the time was a respectable 95 WPM.
2007 - I purchased an iPhone and immediately learned the techniques to typing as fast as possible (hint: two thumbs, and trust the auto-correction feature). I went to an iPhone-specific website that measured typing speed and I clocked in at a decent 45 WPM. That's on a phone, people. With no actual physical keyboard.
2008 - A few weeks ago, I told iCal I was a fast typist. He challenged me to a battle. We logged onto one of those typing websites, and I clobbered him. Granted, I had more errors than he did, but I was nervous and typing way beyond my limits in order to secure the win. I thought he was fast, but he was only in the low to mid 90s (I think he had 93 WPM). Meanwhile, I actually hit 120 WPM at one point. These were 1 minute burst speeds though.
I think in a longer competition, I'd be somewhere between 105-110 WPM.
Recently, Kevin Yen challenged me to a typing battle. He claims his GWAM (gross words a minute) is 170. We'll be duking it out in a few weeks. He and I decided that we would take turns using the same computer to find out who is the fastest typist in Millburn, New Jersey. From our IM conversations, I can tell he's quick. I'm a little hesitant about going up against him (he's defeated me in unofficial eating competitions), but I think it will be extremely close.
My prediction: I will win with 111 WPM against his 110.
Just for reference, here are some typing records:
1923 - Albert Tangora, on an Underwood Standard typewriter, achieved 147 WPM in a 1 hour test.
1941 - Margaret Hamma, on an electric typewriter, achieved 149 WPM in a 1 hour test.
1946 - Stella Pajunas, on an IBM machine, achieved 216 WPM, but only in a 1 minute test.
1959 - Carole Bechen, on a manual typewriter, achieved 176 WPM in a 5 minute test.
1991 - Gregory Arakelien, on a computer, achieved 158 WPM in a 3 minute test.
1998 - Natalie Lantos, on a computer, achieved 192 WPM (length is unknown).
2005 - Barbara Blackburn, on a Dvorak Simplified Keyboard, achieved 150 WPM in a 50 minute test, 170 WPM in shorter periods, and a peak speed of 212 WPM.
Sources: here and here.
That last one is amazing. The Dvorak keyboard has a totally different setup from the ubiquitous QWERTY keyboards we're all used to. I've never actually seen a Dvorak keyboard in person, but I'd sure love to test one out. Imagine trying to relearn how to type on a new layout? Oh, you've never seen the layout? Here you go.
See what I mean? It's such a weird layout. But according to the Guinness Book of World Records, the fastest typist was using a Dvorak keyboard.
Anyways, I challenge you to defeat me. In typing. Like real men do.
Oh wait, I'll accept female competitors as well. I guess. Scratch that. I'll watch two girls go at it in typing, though. Girl on girl typing action. Suh-weeeeet.
This post took me 2 minutes to type by the way. BAM!
Update:
Well that was fun. Moments ago, Kevin and I were chatting it up on AIM, and I told him about this post. He sent me to http://www.typeonline.co.uk/typingspeed.php? and we both took a brief test.
Let's just say I got owned. Pre-owned, really, considering this wasn't official.
So I'm pre-owned, or pre-pwned, or whatever the lingo is. I guess I ain't 1337 enough to handle the Kevmeister.
I can't reveal the results because they are too insane. But I will say that I'll be training for a few weeks, maybe months. I think there's something wrong with my keystrokes (like when golfers have to adjust their swings). It's causing problems with my speed. I keep making errors like this:
I htink I'll do that.
See that? I usually catch it in time, and I'm able to correct it, but that's a waste of time. I need to be perfect.
Unbelievable.
Fine, I'll reveal some results. But first I have to say that Kevin sent me a screenshot of his results, so it might be photoshopped. I actually just tried to look for it, but he took it down.
Me: 114 WPM, 2 errors
Kevin: 145 WPM, 1 error
Obviously, I need some practice.
Another Update:
Okay, so I figured out how one can fake his speed if one were so inclined (using the site Kevin gave me here). Below are the steps:
1. Manually type out the test you've been given in MS Word or any text input program.
2. Highlight everything you've just typed, and copy it.
3. Go back to the typing test, and click Start the clock.
4. Hit Ctrl+V to paste the text, and then click Stop the clock.
5. Press the PrtSc (print screen) button, and paste it in MS Paint or whatever program you wish to use.
6. Email the screen cap to people and show off your insane typing speed.
If you did it properly, you could have something like this:
Voila! 850 WPM? Yeah, I'm the fastest typist ever.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
LIVE @ the New York Giants Superbowl parade!
Okay, Team Jones Johnson is live at the New York Giants Superbowl parade! I'm using my brand new MacBook Air and my brand new Wireless Charging Kit (power with no cords!) in order to update you on the parade. I can't show you any photographs of the Wireless Charging Kit (WCK) because it is extremely top secret.
Unfortunately, my iPhone has been acting funny for sometime, especially the camera. So I met up with Team GotPips and they're allowing me to use their pics, and coincidentally, they were taken using an iPhone (the now obsolete 8GB version).
GotPip's commander in chief, Kevin Yen, has graciously uploaded his pictures onto my MacBook Air. He has given us exclusive rights to use the photos and we appreciate that very much!
Because of GotPips' cooperation, we want you guys to visit http://gotpips.blogspot.com to check out Kevin's blog, and read about his thoughts on the foreign exchange market. If you are so inclined, you can even copy the moves he makes and perhaps be as successful as he has been (remember, he is the big honcho over at GotPips). However, I must state that I am in no way responsible for any losses that you may have. But I'll need to take a 25% cut on any profits, thank you.
Enough advertising, Kev? Okay good.
Below are two more pics from the Giants Superbowl parade.
As always, click for the larger version.
Again, I'd like to thank Kevin and the folks over at GotPips for allowing us to use their photos. I owe you a drink, Kev!
I Love Sports / Moving Pictures
The Giants won the Superbowl. On his radio show, Michael Kay says that a game like the one we all saw on Sunday is the reason we keep coming back to sports. We go through all the BS like steroids, criminal accusations, gambling, and so on ... for a day like Sunday. He compares the 2007 Patriots to my beloved Yankees. The Patriots are now the "Evil Empire" and everyone rooted for them to fail just like everyone roots for the Yankees to go down. The Patriots are now part of a small group of teams where anything but winning is failure. The only way they can improve from this season is to win it all next year.
As for the Giants, I'd like to thank them for a few things like entertaining me during this very tough time. Without all my favorite shows on TV anymore, it was thoughtful of Eli and the gang to compensate for the big void in my life. Thank you for Week 17's thriller where they proved to us -- and especially to themselves -- that they can go toe-to-toe with the Pats. And those games against the Cowboys and the Packers? Fughetaboudit! Thank you for reminding me why I love sports. Although I didn't like all the Jessica Simpson bullshit. That was just annoying.
Anyways, let's post some videos!
My friend Ahmed finally posted some videos on Youtube. The first one is hilarious. It's a video of a strange girl who does amazing things on a snowboard ... by accident. Check it out! For my iPhone readers, click this.
A few days ago, I was looking at a Facebook invite to compete in an eating competition, and it had a video posted on the invite. The video has a special someone in it. Those of you who know him will instantly recognize his face. He's a good friend of mine, and he loves Allen Iverson. By the way, the people in this video are all weaksauce. I can down 8 in 1 minute easily (without agua, obvi). For my iPhone thugs, click this.
This last one is an extremely strange video that has one dude rapping and it's apparently all improvised. However, a reliable source has told me that only the audio portion was improvsed. It was recorded during a freestyle session with two unknown wannabe's. Then one of them attempted to lipsync both parts and made a video out of it. Obviously it was too difficult for him to lipsync the entire song, so he went all PowerPoint on us. Enjoy! For my iPhone gangstaz, click this.
Update: Okay, it's 9:02AM and I just viewed this post from my iPhone to test the iPhone-specific links that I made. I lowered the volume on my phone first. Then I tried the video from Ahmed. After it loaded, Ahmed's "Here comes Anna Lai!" was heard by at least 3 other people, including my boss! But I managed to stop it before it kept going. Phew!
Remember, lowering your ringer volume doesn't mean it'll lower the iPod volume.
Dumb.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Uber Excited! w00t! Yes! HAHA!!!
It's 5:50AM on Superbowl Sunday and I was just about to go to bed.
But first, I had to check Digg - being the lonely nerdboy that I am - to see if there was anything good to read before I doze off.
http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
Then I saw the most popular story at the moment, titled Jason Bateman Confirms Arrested Development Movie Talks, and my jaw dropped. It hit my belly on the way before finally reaching the floor.
As I've always told people, Arrested Development is my favorite show of all time. Of all time. It has a 9.7 out 10 rating on IMDB.com! I'm not sure how much more I can stress that. If you watch it from the pilot episode all the way through to the end, it's just perfect.
It's the perfect show.
Excellent writing, an amazing cast, blah blah blah (as the character Bob Loblaw would say in his Bob Loblaw Blog). All the cliche things that people thank for when they're on stage accepting an Emmy for Best Comedy Series. Yeah, that's this series. And they also won a Golden Globes, and garnered countless rave reviews by critics. Baby had its bling.
The only area where it didn't succeed - but where it mattered most - is in the ratings department.
Arrested Development never drew the large audience that Cheers, Seinfeld or Friends did in their heyday. It was never a juggernaut in the weekly Nielsen ratings like American Idol gobbling up 30 million pairs of eyes for every episode. Hell, they barely got 5 million viewers a week.
But those 5 million were hardcore fans. I was one of them. I was a cult member of the utmost extreme. We loved the show and we held strong during the rough times: the schedule changes, the cancellation rumors, and worst of all the utter lack of decency for its final episodes.
That is the case with any show struggling with ratings. Especially if it's a show on Fox. If you don't get ratings, you don't get chances.
Here's a list of shows canceled by the douchebags that run Fox:
Futurama
Firefly
Andy Richter Controls the Universe
Sliders
Family Guy (they eventually brought it back)
Married with Children
To be fair, all the networks axe shows the way Fox does. It's just that the shows they cancel simply stand out more. Futurama and Family Guy are extremely popular among my group of friends. And a few of us are diehard Arrested Development fanboys. It's just sad that Fox cancels all the best shows but keeps the ones that feature D-list celebs trying to figure skate like Kristi Yamaguchi or sing like Whitney Houston (although it was funny to see the Carlton guy from Fresh Prince battling for singing supremacy against Xena the Princess Warrior). They keep shows where they test to see if you're smarter than a baby, and where you truthfully answer questions in order to win a quarter million.
Arrested Development was a show that just kept getting better as the seasons progressed. The catch was that it required you to watch it from the beginning in order for you to completely get all the jokes in the later episodes. It wasn't a show that you could just jump into at any time and enjoy (like a current favorite of mine How I Met Your Mother). But if you sit back, relax, and experience the show from the first moment, you'd know what I'm talking about.
This show was pure brilliance. I love smart comedies like The Office (both the US and UK versions), Curb Your Enthusiasm, Scrubs and Extras. But only the most recent winner of the Emmy for Best Comedy Series, 30 Rock, comes close to fulfilling the void that was once covered by my darling Arrested Development. That is a testament to the show, its creator, and the actors.
Okay, it's 6:27AM. I should really get to bed. Let's cross our fingers and hope they turn that gem of a show into a solid movie.
And maybe bring back the show? Okay, now I'm asking for too much.
[Article via Digg]
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Black History Month
It's Black History Month. So I changed the look of my blog to commemorate and whatnot.
Word.
Word.
Friday, February 1, 2008
I think there's a game on Sunday
Giants vs. Patriots.
Blah blah blah.
At this point, I'm sure we all know what's going on with the Superbowl. All the media coverage has everybody talking like he/she is one of ESPN's 3,000 NFL analysts or something. Seriously though, they have too many analysts for the NFL, but they have one guy covering hockey. There should be no hockey coverage at all. Sorry to every hockey fan I know. All two of you.
Anyway, there are plenty of questions heading into this Sunday's game. Will the Pats go undefeated? Will the Giants upset them? Will Plaxico's prediction come true? Will I finally trim my pubes?
My answer to Plaxico is: highly unlikely, dumbass. All I hope for is a great game, awesome commercials, and food. I'm not sure where I'll be watching it, but I have a feeling that there'll be an Unofficial Superbowl Party @ Club 501 (yes, I live at an actual club).
To my readers who are also my friends: If you want to come, bring something. Chips, dip, drinks, real food, cuffs, cups, plates, girls, chairs, hookah, etc.
I also want to announce that I've had a great hair week. How did I come up with that conclusion? Well, I had 2 awesome hair days, and 2 good ones. Today is a pretty good hair day as well. Thus, they all add up to a great hair week.
Oh wait, sorry. Back to the topic. Yeah, below is my prediction. I've studied all the tapes, looked at the numbers, read all the reports, ran hundreds of simulations; I know what I'm talkin' about, baby.
Giants beat Patriots 35-32
Okay fine. That's what I want to happen. I'm sorry if I just want to see an insane upset. I want to witness the Pats cry because the 18 previous games mean nothing unless they win the 19th. I want to see a New York parade so that it messes up Super Tuesday (I accidentally watched The Today Show). I want to see back-to-back Superbowl wins from the Manning brothers. I want Gisele Bundchen.
Here's my actual prediction:
Patriots beat Giants something-something
Edit: Speaking of ESPN NFL analysts, I just found this on Digg. It's a video of Chris Berman flipping out and going nuts on his studio crew. Awesome. I forgot to actually digg it, so someone digg it for me. Thanks.
Clarification: One of our angry readers by the name of mur has left a comment stating that 32 points is an impossibility. I would like to take this opportunity to concede that the 35-32 prediction was a prediction made by a guest on Mike and Mike in the Morning on ESPN Radio. I simply copied it. I apologize for taking credit for it.
Also, 32 points is NOT impossible:
4 TD's + 2 safeties = 32
4 TD's + 2 point conversion + 1 field goal = 32
I'll stick to the 35-32 prediction, Mr. Gleezy - oops, I meant mur.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Jonesin' for some birthday cake
Today is Coy's 26th and Eric's 25th birthday. I think. As a Facebook addict, I've grown accustomed to birthday notifications. However, neither one of these guys has a Facebook account. So I have been forced to use this thing called memory, and if it's serving me correctly today, then it's their birthday.
Usually, when Facebook tells me it's someone's birthday, I write different variations of "happy birthday" on his/her wall. I try to make it completely different everytime, but I end up recycling a lot.
Here are a few of the birthday greetings I've used in the past:
Congratulations on the anniversary of your birth!
Nice birth.
Yay birthday! Yay!
Birth boy ova heeh.
And my personal favorite (a variation of the first one):
Congrulations on the anniversary of you coming out of your mother's vagina (or vajayjay)!
So I'd like to wish Eric and Coy a sweet birthday today. May all your wishes and dreams come true. And maybe I can help you with those. *winky wink*
I'm too broke to give you guys anything, so here's some effin' cake brought to you by my main man Chuck.
Hmm, I just realized that the last one may not work. Not all of us came out of our mother's vaginas. Some of us needed the jaws of life to be escorted out of the womb. I'm not one of them, just in case you were interested. Nope, came right out my mom's vajohnson.
Edit: Maybe I like this cake better. And no, I don't know why I just wasted my time looking for pictures of birthday cakes. But due to my nerdboy status, here ya go.
Usually, when Facebook tells me it's someone's birthday, I write different variations of "happy birthday" on his/her wall. I try to make it completely different everytime, but I end up recycling a lot.
Here are a few of the birthday greetings I've used in the past:
Congratulations on the anniversary of your birth!
Nice birth.
Yay birthday! Yay!
Birth boy ova heeh.
And my personal favorite (a variation of the first one):
Congrulations on the anniversary of you coming out of your mother's vagina (or vajayjay)!
So I'd like to wish Eric and Coy a sweet birthday today. May all your wishes and dreams come true. And maybe I can help you with those. *winky wink*
I'm too broke to give you guys anything, so here's some effin' cake brought to you by my main man Chuck.
Hmm, I just realized that the last one may not work. Not all of us came out of our mother's vaginas. Some of us needed the jaws of life to be escorted out of the womb. I'm not one of them, just in case you were interested. Nope, came right out my mom's vajohnson.
Edit: Maybe I like this cake better. And no, I don't know why I just wasted my time looking for pictures of birthday cakes. But due to my nerdboy status, here ya go.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
I'm so Lost right now
(just skip to the bottom for my new song if you'd like)
Lost season 1 was awesome.
Lost season 2 was pretty good.
Lost season 3 (first half) was way too focused on Jack, Sawyer, and Kate.
So I gave up. The episodes piled up in my DVR until I deleted all of them last spring.
As I've mentioned a few times, people keep telling me that season 3 got better.
Thus, I have queued Lost season 3 on Blu-ray Disc on my Netflix. I still have to return my Weeds season 1&2 on Blu-ray. Can't believe I've had those discs since November. I kept losing them, then finding them, and then losing them again. Good thing there are no late fees.
Anyway, tomorrow is the premiere of season 4. I'll have to DVR the series, but I can't watch until I'm done with season 3. I've been told that the episode will have plenty of answers. Answers to what? I don't have the slightest idea what happened in season 3.
So I beg you all ... please don't ruin anything for me. I may not be done with season 3 until March.
Again, do not spoil Lost for me. Or else ... or else, yaknow, the song below:
Hiyooooo
Lost season 1 was awesome.
Lost season 2 was pretty good.
Lost season 3 (first half) was way too focused on Jack, Sawyer, and Kate.
So I gave up. The episodes piled up in my DVR until I deleted all of them last spring.
As I've mentioned a few times, people keep telling me that season 3 got better.
Thus, I have queued Lost season 3 on Blu-ray Disc on my Netflix. I still have to return my Weeds season 1&2 on Blu-ray. Can't believe I've had those discs since November. I kept losing them, then finding them, and then losing them again. Good thing there are no late fees.
Anyway, tomorrow is the premiere of season 4. I'll have to DVR the series, but I can't watch until I'm done with season 3. I've been told that the episode will have plenty of answers. Answers to what? I don't have the slightest idea what happened in season 3.
So I beg you all ... please don't ruin anything for me. I may not be done with season 3 until March.
Again, do not spoil Lost for me. Or else ... or else, yaknow, the song below:
Don't Spoil Lost or Else ...
Written by Jones Johnson
I might get animalistic with my animal instincts
I'll be mad malicious and maybe cannibalistic
They won't find ballistics, but they'll ask "who the eff did this"
I won't be linked bitch, and you'll be another statistic
Hiyooooo
Monday, January 28, 2008
Coke is one hell of a drink
I've decided to quit drinking soda, Coke in particular since I'm not big on Pepsi. Why? Here's a top 5 for ya.
Top 5 Reasons to Quit Drinking Coke
5. It's dangerous.
4. It makes me burpy. Burpy burpy burp.
3. It yellowens my teeth.
2. It stings the nostrils (when I drink it too fast).
1. It can stain your clothes.
That last one is the number one main reason why I'm going to stop drinking Coke. I was in my car, having a post-work Coke during my drive. It was your typical plastic bottle variety. I waited for a red light.
Boom. Red light action.
I grabbed the bottle with my right hand, and twisted the cap off with my left.
Awesome. I placed the opening on my sweet luscious lips.
Mmm.
Yum.
Sexy coke. You is a sexy beast.
Just a sip for now. I attempted to put the cap back on, and that's when I fumbled.
Lovely. Effing awesome. I sat there like an idiot with my hands in the air like I had just touched an alien's butt crack.
Moments later, I felt my balls getting slightly drenched with Coke. Perfecto. Just what I needed.
That's exactly why I'll only drink water for my drives. No stains, no problems. If I had been drinking water, I could've just ended up looking like I had crotch sweat or something, but whatever.
Heh. I like that. Crotch sweat.
Anyways, here are a few more pictures of this horrific accident.
Damn you Coke! Damn you!
Top 5 Reasons to Quit Drinking Coke
5. It's dangerous.
4. It makes me burpy. Burpy burpy burp.
3. It yellowens my teeth.
2. It stings the nostrils (when I drink it too fast).
1. It can stain your clothes.
That last one is the number one main reason why I'm going to stop drinking Coke. I was in my car, having a post-work Coke during my drive. It was your typical plastic bottle variety. I waited for a red light.
Boom. Red light action.
I grabbed the bottle with my right hand, and twisted the cap off with my left.
Awesome. I placed the opening on my sweet luscious lips.
Mmm.
Yum.
Sexy coke. You is a sexy beast.
Just a sip for now. I attempted to put the cap back on, and that's when I fumbled.
Lovely. Effing awesome. I sat there like an idiot with my hands in the air like I had just touched an alien's butt crack.
Moments later, I felt my balls getting slightly drenched with Coke. Perfecto. Just what I needed.
That's exactly why I'll only drink water for my drives. No stains, no problems. If I had been drinking water, I could've just ended up looking like I had crotch sweat or something, but whatever.
Heh. I like that. Crotch sweat.
Anyways, here are a few more pictures of this horrific accident.
Damn you Coke! Damn you!
Review My Johnson
I've experienced a few things over the weekend, and I shall now review them.
// DVD & Blu-ray Reviews
Rocket Science - This was a pretty good movie. I think I laughed at parts that weren't supposed to be funny. I know Evan did. Anyway, it's a story about a boy who has a huge stuttering problem and he's recruited by a masterful debater to join her in her quest to dominate debates. It's an indie movie - there's some weird parts to it, a bunch of funny scenes, and there are some life lessons in here. I think. It's debatable.
4 out of 5 Johnsons
Rescue Dawn - I finally bought a Blu-ray. After maybe three or four weeks of indecisiveness, I finally bought one. And this one is damn good. The events in the movie are based on a true story. Christian Bale plays a prisoner of war in Laos. He teams up with Steve Zahn - who has a surprisingly great performance - and the rest of the POWs on a mission to escape. The movie has quite a depressing tone, but there are sequences of action here for fans of action sequences. The most amazing part is how Christian Bale appeared to be 100 pounds by the end of the movie (his normal weight is 180; he actually dropped to 130 for The Machinist, and muscled up to 220 for Batman Begins). He really does go all out for his roles. I think he's currently my favorite dramatic actor. Kudos to Bale.
4 out of 5 Johnsons
Eagle vs Shark - This could quite possibly be the weirdest movie I have ever seen. It stars Jemaine Clement from the band and the show Flight of the Conchords, and Loren Horsley. Again, this is another indie film. I can't even begin to describe the plot and the absurdity of some of the scenes. You have to see it to understand the ridiculousness of the movie. I, for one, am a fan of over-the-top weirdness, strange awkward moments/situations, and a strong ensemble cast. This movie had all of them. It's obvious my rating system is flawed because this movie gets the full Johnson treatment.
5 out of 5 Johnsons
// Video Game Reviews
Everyday Shooter (PS3) - For $10, this game is a steal! I downloaded it a few months ago, but I was so confused by the gameplay at first, that I gave up. This past weekend, my friends and I were bored so we decided to play it. Good thing we were bored! If you own a PlayStation 3, you have to buy this game! Jonathan Mak created this wonderful shooter and all I can say is that it is highly addictive. Each level is one song that lasts for about 4 minutes, and each level has its own style of play with different ways to make chain reactions (which is how you gain points). There are a total of 8 levels/songs, but you can unlock many other "mods" to increase the replay value of this game. The controls are pretty good, the music is fantastic, and the accompanying visual treats are outstanding. You can purchase it from Sony's PlayStation Store if you own a PlayStation 3.
5 out of 5 Johnsons
// Television Reviews
Californication - My friend iCal suggested that I check out this Showtime original series. I've watched half of Season One's dozen episodes so far, and I must say that this is a great show. David Duchovny (why won't you looove me) recently won the Golden Globe for Lead Actor in a Comedy Series for his role as Hank Moody. Hank is a writer who hasn't written anything in five years. He lives in L.A. where he is an unmarried single father who's still in love with his daughter's mother. He's also "drowning in pointless pussy." Got it? Good. I'll finish the rest of the show some time this week or the next, and I'll let you know how I truly feel about it. But halfway through, I really like it. In fact, I love it. I'm just not sure if I'm in love with it, but only time will tell. Check out the trailer above.
So far: 4.5 out of 5 Johnsons
// Miscellaneous Reviews
My Passport - One of my friends is lucky, or unlucky depending on how you look at it, to be under the age of 21. I looked at my passport and I realized that if he spiked his hair and wore glasses, he could pass for my passport. And on Friday night, he did! I also had to let him borrow an old dress shirt, a favorite nonetheless, and a pair of shoes. It was almost like cloning a younger version of myself. That night, iCal was Jones Johnson circa 2002. Fantastic! He played the part of JJ accurately: he did not talk to any ladies. Just lik me! Yay!
7.5 out of 5 Johnsons
// DVD & Blu-ray Reviews
Rocket Science - This was a pretty good movie. I think I laughed at parts that weren't supposed to be funny. I know Evan did. Anyway, it's a story about a boy who has a huge stuttering problem and he's recruited by a masterful debater to join her in her quest to dominate debates. It's an indie movie - there's some weird parts to it, a bunch of funny scenes, and there are some life lessons in here. I think. It's debatable. 4 out of 5 Johnsons
Rescue Dawn - I finally bought a Blu-ray. After maybe three or four weeks of indecisiveness, I finally bought one. And this one is damn good. The events in the movie are based on a true story. Christian Bale plays a prisoner of war in Laos. He teams up with Steve Zahn - who has a surprisingly great performance - and the rest of the POWs on a mission to escape. The movie has quite a depressing tone, but there are sequences of action here for fans of action sequences. The most amazing part is how Christian Bale appeared to be 100 pounds by the end of the movie (his normal weight is 180; he actually dropped to 130 for The Machinist, and muscled up to 220 for Batman Begins). He really does go all out for his roles. I think he's currently my favorite dramatic actor. Kudos to Bale. 4 out of 5 Johnsons
Eagle vs Shark - This could quite possibly be the weirdest movie I have ever seen. It stars Jemaine Clement from the band and the show Flight of the Conchords, and Loren Horsley. Again, this is another indie film. I can't even begin to describe the plot and the absurdity of some of the scenes. You have to see it to understand the ridiculousness of the movie. I, for one, am a fan of over-the-top weirdness, strange awkward moments/situations, and a strong ensemble cast. This movie had all of them. It's obvious my rating system is flawed because this movie gets the full Johnson treatment. 5 out of 5 Johnsons
// Video Game Reviews
Everyday Shooter (PS3) - For $10, this game is a steal! I downloaded it a few months ago, but I was so confused by the gameplay at first, that I gave up. This past weekend, my friends and I were bored so we decided to play it. Good thing we were bored! If you own a PlayStation 3, you have to buy this game! Jonathan Mak created this wonderful shooter and all I can say is that it is highly addictive. Each level is one song that lasts for about 4 minutes, and each level has its own style of play with different ways to make chain reactions (which is how you gain points). There are a total of 8 levels/songs, but you can unlock many other "mods" to increase the replay value of this game. The controls are pretty good, the music is fantastic, and the accompanying visual treats are outstanding. You can purchase it from Sony's PlayStation Store if you own a PlayStation 3.
5 out of 5 Johnsons
// Television Reviews
Californication - My friend iCal suggested that I check out this Showtime original series. I've watched half of Season One's dozen episodes so far, and I must say that this is a great show. David Duchovny (why won't you looove me) recently won the Golden Globe for Lead Actor in a Comedy Series for his role as Hank Moody. Hank is a writer who hasn't written anything in five years. He lives in L.A. where he is an unmarried single father who's still in love with his daughter's mother. He's also "drowning in pointless pussy." Got it? Good. I'll finish the rest of the show some time this week or the next, and I'll let you know how I truly feel about it. But halfway through, I really like it. In fact, I love it. I'm just not sure if I'm in love with it, but only time will tell. Check out the trailer above.
So far: 4.5 out of 5 Johnsons
// Miscellaneous Reviews
My Passport - One of my friends is lucky, or unlucky depending on how you look at it, to be under the age of 21. I looked at my passport and I realized that if he spiked his hair and wore glasses, he could pass for my passport. And on Friday night, he did! I also had to let him borrow an old dress shirt, a favorite nonetheless, and a pair of shoes. It was almost like cloning a younger version of myself. That night, iCal was Jones Johnson circa 2002. Fantastic! He played the part of JJ accurately: he did not talk to any ladies. Just lik me! Yay!
7.5 out of 5 Johnsons
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Fanmail Schmanmail
I've gotten a lot of emails because of yesterday's story about how I met an ex-girlfriend. I apologize for the story's length, but everything I wrote was true. I have a feeling I may have flip-flopped people though. Maybe Joe wasn't there, and this other kid DJ was there instead. Not quite sure actually...
Anyways, I'd like to take this time to answer emails from some of my readers/fanboys/fangirls.
What made you start blogging?
Well a friend of mine showed me his (love you, Andy!) and I thought it was hilarious. It also reminded me of when I used to Xanga. So I wanted to start again.
Why don't you use real names?
Sometimes I write about events and the people in them, and they may get angry about the things I write. So I have to change them. Plus, I'm Jones Johnson. If I use a fake name for myself, I might as well use fake name for everyone else.
Have you always been as geeky as you claim?
I've been into technology and computers for a long time. My first computer was in 1993: it had an Intel 486 processor running at 25MHz, and had a 120 MB hard drive. I later upgraded it to 66MHz and I thought I was cool. These days, I just like to read about new technologies and gadgets that are either out on the market or on their way. When I'm with my friends, the geekiest anybody gets is when they talk about World of Warcraft. I'm not a fan of that.
What time is it right now?
It's 12:19 PM on Saturday, January 26, 2008.
I didn't ask for the date, dick.
Oops, my bad.
Why is your profile picture a cartoon version of Agent Smith from the Matrix trilogy?
I didn't know what picture to use, and I remembered this one because it's one of the background options for my iPhone. I've been Jones Johnson longer than I've had this blog, and I never really envisioned what a Jones Johnson would look like. But I've gotten used to the Agent Smith pic, so I guess I'll leave it. You guys should let me know how you feel about that.
Cloverfield sucked. What are you, an idiot?
Dude, you already left a comment. You hated it, I liked it. Get over it. No more Cloverfield talk.
Was that really Natali Del Conte that left a comment in the post called Ayo Technology / Facebook Whore?
Yes it really was. I initially thought that it wasn't, and that someone was pretending to be her. I emailed her, and to my surprise she responded and confirmed that it was her. That made my day. Actually, that made my week. No wait, I had Popeyes for dinner the other day. Now that made my week.
Please write about me. How come you haven't written about me yet? I wanna feel special!
Because I love your sister, Julienne. I'm kidding, she hates me. But seriously, I have nothing to write in regards to you. We talk online, but we don't hang out in person. I guess I could just write about the time you changed my Facebook status while I was asleep, and I got annoyed afterwards. But maybe you don't want me to do that. Or do you... Julienne? Okay, I guess I just wrote about you. Done.
Are you really as shy as you say you are, especially around girls?
In general, I'm a pretty shy person around people I don't know. It's the extreme opposite when I'm with my friends. But that's just how I am. I'm probably one of the most awkward people in the history of awkward people. The last time I spoke to a girl I didn't know, it was because she was asked me something about my iPhone. She asked: "Hey, nice phone, cutie. Are you really checking email at a bar?" My response: "Yes I am! People email me at 1 or 2 in the morning sometimes. So I just wanted to check. Gosh! What the fuck lady?!" She'd already walked away by the time I said gosh.
Was the last thing you said true?
No, I lied. I don't talk to girls.
Dear Teem Teem, I don't get what you write sometimes.
Grabe naman, pare!
Neil, please. Just ... seriously, please.
Will you be writing about your ex-girlfriend in the future?
Highly unlikely. Yesterday's post was more about how I was a shy boy around girls, and that it hasn't changed 10 years later. But it wasn't really about her, it was about me.
Hey man, you don't know me. I Googled "How to increase the size of my johnson because it's giving me the love jones." It led me to your site and I've been reading ever since. Can I call you Jonesy?
What the hell? You were jonesin' for a bigger johnson, and you ended up here. Nice nice nice.
Wuh wuh wuh?
Okay, this was from Nino. He's an idiot.
Are you ever going to video blog?
If I do, it won't be on here. Or maybe it will. I dunno. I have to find the charger for my camcorder first. I plan on eventually posting videos that I make with my friends. There are a few on Facebook that have generated some smalltime buzz. But nothing really worthy.
This blog is worthless. Why do you even write shit? Half the time, it's not even funny. Dude, just stop.
Everyone, this was from my good friend Grant. We've been friends since 1993. He means well.
Hey who's Alicia? Is that Allison? It probably is righh?
Yes, Anna, that is correct. You're a thug, by the way. And you taste like placebo.
Hey, how do you feel about the lack of DTS-HD MA decoding on the PlayStation 3?
Ah here we go. This is more like it. I think it's annoying that Sony hasn't addressed this issue. They haven't even responded to all the clamoring us A/V heads have been doing for the past year or so. Is it too hard to tell us whether DTS-HD Master Audio is capable on the PS3? They've given us Dolby TrueHD decoding via LPCM and that was good. But we're talking about the PlayStation 3 here; it's the most advanced video game system on the planet. We've all read the forums about how somebody found out that the chipset inside is incapable of DTS-HD MA decoding. Well, if this is true Sony needs to tell us! I'm sitting here waiting for my DTS-HD MA while all the Panasonic 30K owners have it. I have a receiver capable of decoding both Dolby TrueHD and DTS-HD MA, but since the PS3 is also unable to bitstream, then it's useless. Ultimately, DTS-HD MA decoding via LPCM is good enough for all of us. The dream would be for the PS3 to bitstream straight to my Onkyo 605. Until then, we have to continue to be patient. Hey, they gave us Profile 1.1 right? Maybe Sony has one more trick up its sleeve. But they've got to tell us and let us know.
Since you can't use your real name, can you at least tell us some of your nicknames?
Why, of course I can do that, TechGurL57. Here they are:
Jonesy
Gentle Giant - from my style of play in basketball, and my size
Dolby Digital - my rap name in highschool
Carlito - Sweet Mike is obsessed with Carlito's Way
Temrio - it's a combination of a few names
Bailamos - only one person calls me this and her name rhymes with barrel
I couldn't answer all the questions. But here's a piechart showing the general breakdown of the types of emails that you, my lovely readers, have sent me. Thanks!
Anyways, I'd like to take this time to answer emails from some of my readers/fanboys/fangirls.
What made you start blogging?
Well a friend of mine showed me his (love you, Andy!) and I thought it was hilarious. It also reminded me of when I used to Xanga. So I wanted to start again.
Why don't you use real names?
Sometimes I write about events and the people in them, and they may get angry about the things I write. So I have to change them. Plus, I'm Jones Johnson. If I use a fake name for myself, I might as well use fake name for everyone else.
Have you always been as geeky as you claim?
I've been into technology and computers for a long time. My first computer was in 1993: it had an Intel 486 processor running at 25MHz, and had a 120 MB hard drive. I later upgraded it to 66MHz and I thought I was cool. These days, I just like to read about new technologies and gadgets that are either out on the market or on their way. When I'm with my friends, the geekiest anybody gets is when they talk about World of Warcraft. I'm not a fan of that.
What time is it right now?
It's 12:19 PM on Saturday, January 26, 2008.
I didn't ask for the date, dick.
Oops, my bad.
Why is your profile picture a cartoon version of Agent Smith from the Matrix trilogy?
I didn't know what picture to use, and I remembered this one because it's one of the background options for my iPhone. I've been Jones Johnson longer than I've had this blog, and I never really envisioned what a Jones Johnson would look like. But I've gotten used to the Agent Smith pic, so I guess I'll leave it. You guys should let me know how you feel about that.
Cloverfield sucked. What are you, an idiot?
Dude, you already left a comment. You hated it, I liked it. Get over it. No more Cloverfield talk.
Was that really Natali Del Conte that left a comment in the post called Ayo Technology / Facebook Whore?
Yes it really was. I initially thought that it wasn't, and that someone was pretending to be her. I emailed her, and to my surprise she responded and confirmed that it was her. That made my day. Actually, that made my week. No wait, I had Popeyes for dinner the other day. Now that made my week.
Please write about me. How come you haven't written about me yet? I wanna feel special!
Because I love your sister, Julienne. I'm kidding, she hates me. But seriously, I have nothing to write in regards to you. We talk online, but we don't hang out in person. I guess I could just write about the time you changed my Facebook status while I was asleep, and I got annoyed afterwards. But maybe you don't want me to do that. Or do you... Julienne? Okay, I guess I just wrote about you. Done.
Are you really as shy as you say you are, especially around girls?
In general, I'm a pretty shy person around people I don't know. It's the extreme opposite when I'm with my friends. But that's just how I am. I'm probably one of the most awkward people in the history of awkward people. The last time I spoke to a girl I didn't know, it was because she was asked me something about my iPhone. She asked: "Hey, nice phone, cutie. Are you really checking email at a bar?" My response: "Yes I am! People email me at 1 or 2 in the morning sometimes. So I just wanted to check. Gosh! What the fuck lady?!" She'd already walked away by the time I said gosh.
Was the last thing you said true?
No, I lied. I don't talk to girls.
Dear Teem Teem, I don't get what you write sometimes.
Grabe naman, pare!
Neil, please. Just ... seriously, please.
Will you be writing about your ex-girlfriend in the future?
Highly unlikely. Yesterday's post was more about how I was a shy boy around girls, and that it hasn't changed 10 years later. But it wasn't really about her, it was about me.
Hey man, you don't know me. I Googled "How to increase the size of my johnson because it's giving me the love jones." It led me to your site and I've been reading ever since. Can I call you Jonesy?
What the hell? You were jonesin' for a bigger johnson, and you ended up here. Nice nice nice.
Wuh wuh wuh?
Okay, this was from Nino. He's an idiot.
Are you ever going to video blog?
If I do, it won't be on here. Or maybe it will. I dunno. I have to find the charger for my camcorder first. I plan on eventually posting videos that I make with my friends. There are a few on Facebook that have generated some smalltime buzz. But nothing really worthy.
This blog is worthless. Why do you even write shit? Half the time, it's not even funny. Dude, just stop.
Everyone, this was from my good friend Grant. We've been friends since 1993. He means well.
Hey who's Alicia? Is that Allison? It probably is righh?
Yes, Anna, that is correct. You're a thug, by the way. And you taste like placebo.
Hey, how do you feel about the lack of DTS-HD MA decoding on the PlayStation 3?
Ah here we go. This is more like it. I think it's annoying that Sony hasn't addressed this issue. They haven't even responded to all the clamoring us A/V heads have been doing for the past year or so. Is it too hard to tell us whether DTS-HD Master Audio is capable on the PS3? They've given us Dolby TrueHD decoding via LPCM and that was good. But we're talking about the PlayStation 3 here; it's the most advanced video game system on the planet. We've all read the forums about how somebody found out that the chipset inside is incapable of DTS-HD MA decoding. Well, if this is true Sony needs to tell us! I'm sitting here waiting for my DTS-HD MA while all the Panasonic 30K owners have it. I have a receiver capable of decoding both Dolby TrueHD and DTS-HD MA, but since the PS3 is also unable to bitstream, then it's useless. Ultimately, DTS-HD MA decoding via LPCM is good enough for all of us. The dream would be for the PS3 to bitstream straight to my Onkyo 605. Until then, we have to continue to be patient. Hey, they gave us Profile 1.1 right? Maybe Sony has one more trick up its sleeve. But they've got to tell us and let us know.
Since you can't use your real name, can you at least tell us some of your nicknames?
Why, of course I can do that, TechGurL57. Here they are:
Jonesy
Gentle Giant - from my style of play in basketball, and my size
Dolby Digital - my rap name in highschool
Carlito - Sweet Mike is obsessed with Carlito's Way
Temrio - it's a combination of a few names
Bailamos - only one person calls me this and her name rhymes with barrel
I couldn't answer all the questions. But here's a piechart showing the general breakdown of the types of emails that you, my lovely readers, have sent me. Thanks!
Friday, January 25, 2008
Do You Have a Rubber Band?
I finally saw My Sassy Girl last night. It's a Korean romantic comedy, and it's actually quite good. Don't worry, this isn't another useless review. Well if it were, I'd give it 4 out of 5 stars. But it isn't so disregard that rating. I have to watch it again anyway since I missed a few parts during the screening last night.
Anyhoo, in honor of My Sassy Girl, I will now attempt to do something that I thought I'd never do.
I will write about a relationship I once had.
I'm not entirely sure who reads this. The average for Mon-Thurs was 20.25 individual visitors per day, but I only know of maybe 5 or 6 regular readers from what they tell me. More importantly, I'm not sure if she reads this, but I thought it would be okay.
I haven't written about her at all on this blog. I'm at a loss for what to call her because, as you know, I don't use real names here. But maybe I'll stretch my own rules for once.
In fact, due to popular demand, I'll use real names for everyone in this entry. But only this one time.
Do You Have a Rubber Band?
The summer was quickly disappearing. The following week would be the start of my sophomore year in highschool. It was an exciting time for me; I had gotten a job at the mall working for Baskin Robbins, my brother had just turn one year old, and I made a few new friends at school. Not that I didn't have any friends or anything, but it's always a good thing to befriend new people. They were guys though. Girls were a different story.
I was also in the best shape of my life: not fat.
My bestest friend Almond was pretty excited about a birthday party for a girl named Liezl. I think we received invites via America Online (AOL). We had been anticipating the party for weeks. I invited a few of my friends, but I wasn't sure whether they would come or not.
I invited Erv DeCastro and Joe Cornago. Back in those days, they were my homeboys. Much to my surprise, they decided to come along with Almond and me to the party.
The day was Saturday, August 29. The year: 1998.
We were all 16 years old, except for Almond who would turn 16 a month later. 16 was an awesome age because it meant asking your mom or dad for a ride to wherever you wanted to go. Sometimes I even did this crazy thing called walking. It was wild.
The party was in Union, and luckily for us, my mom worked in Union. So it was settled: my mom would bring us to the party, and Erv's older brother would pick us up.
Sweet.
My mom dropped us off at 6:30 PM. After we greeted Liezl, we attempted to do this thing called mingling (to this day, I still have not learned how to properly do this). There was food, plenty of beverages, and most importantly, for the purpose of staring, there were some cute girls. I probably knew a few because of AOL, but I didn't talk to any of them. My goal was to just hang out and have fun with my friends.
However, the boys would split up a few times, and I'd have to figure out which one to tag along with. I was usually standing next to Almond while he was talking to someone.
"This is my friend," he said as he introduced me to a female. I felt a bit annoyed that he didn't say "best friend" (I always told people he was mine) but I let it slide.
"Oh hi," I replied as I brought my right hand up in a feeble attempt to match what I said with a corresponding gesture. It looked like I was in court and swearing under oath.
Was "Oh hi" the best I could come up with?! At that time, yes it was. Unfortunately, I was not very good at talking to people I did not know, especially girls. This was a weakness that would stay with me for a long long time. Actually, it's still a weakness for me, but let's not get into that right now.
It was warm inside Liezl's house. I wore jeans, a button down, and a zip-up fleece jacket. Not exactly sure why I had the jacket, but it didn't stay on long. I decided to hide it behind a couch. I also had sunglasses on, but I planted those on my shirt.
We proceeded to make our way to the basement. There were even more people down there, about 20-25. Liezl had a DJ providing music and entertainment. I don't remember any specific songs that were played, but I do remember a lot of reggae. Reggae was big in '98. Big.
I took command of my post: the wall. Observing people as they danced and interacted motivated me to try the same (I believe it's called socializing). However, this was just not the day that I would have the balls to do that. And I'm still waiting on them balls, by the way.
After a little while, I made a power move to a nearby pole. I used my right shoulder to lean on it, while I crossed my right foot over my left. I was trying to look as comfortable as possible, but inside I was dying. Dying from the nervousness and awkwardness that had been killing me all evening.
Suddenly, there she was.
She wore a red tanktop and black shorts. I think they were shorts. Maybe a skirt. Either way, it was black, the same color as her long silky hair. She appeared to have a fresh tan, as her caramel skin had a hint of redness to it. Standing at 5'5", she was an excellent height that would complement by 6'0" frame. The girl in red was also in great shape; great arms, wonderful shoulders, a flat stomach, and pretty decent-looking nose.
She was marvelous to look at. A sight for sore eyes. Lucky for me, my eyes were not sore that day. Nonetheless, she was amazing. She was dancing by herself, doing it effortlessly and without any concern for who was watchinig. It was as if a spotlight was shining on her and everything else disappeared into the background.
Suddenly, the spotlight disappeared. She looked up and caught my eyes penetrating through her skull like Superman's lasers.
I quickly gathered myself and went upstairs, trying to act as nonchalant as possible. I was relieved to find my friends hanging out in the kitchen. Almond was talking to a dude named Alan. I described her to the guys and Alan said he knew who she was.
I thought about going back downstairs to talk to her, but that wasn't something that I normally did (or do). So I brushed it off my shoulders, and continued with the party. But we wouldn't stay much longer, as Erv's brother arrived around 9:00 PM. He was about a year or two tolder and did not want to stay.
So we headed back home. I thought it was quite a successful evening. We got a chance to hang out with each other, my friends met a few people, and I got a chance to lean on a wall and a pole. A success by any standard!
A few minutes after we left, I realized that I had left my jacket there. I also noticed that my sunglasses were no longer on my shirt.
We had to go back.
Fortunately, I found my jacket right where I hid it. As for my sunglasses, I figured I may have dropped them in the basement.
As I walked down the staircase, I thought about where I could have dropped them. They were $100 sunglasses, and I was worried that someone may have stolen them or stepped on them.
Then I spotted the shades. They were next to the bottom step of the staircase, and they appeared to be shattered. I bent down to pick them up.
As I stood up observing the sunglasses, there she was. The girl in red was standing right in front of me as though she knew me.
"Do you have a rubber band?" she asked as she gathered her hair into a ponytail.
"No," I replied, "but um ... what's your name?"
"Neenya," she said. "But you can call me Neen."
THE END
Anyhoo, in honor of My Sassy Girl, I will now attempt to do something that I thought I'd never do.
I will write about a relationship I once had.
I'm not entirely sure who reads this. The average for Mon-Thurs was 20.25 individual visitors per day, but I only know of maybe 5 or 6 regular readers from what they tell me. More importantly, I'm not sure if she reads this, but I thought it would be okay.
I haven't written about her at all on this blog. I'm at a loss for what to call her because, as you know, I don't use real names here. But maybe I'll stretch my own rules for once.
In fact, due to popular demand, I'll use real names for everyone in this entry. But only this one time.
Do You Have a Rubber Band?
The summer was quickly disappearing. The following week would be the start of my sophomore year in highschool. It was an exciting time for me; I had gotten a job at the mall working for Baskin Robbins, my brother had just turn one year old, and I made a few new friends at school. Not that I didn't have any friends or anything, but it's always a good thing to befriend new people. They were guys though. Girls were a different story.
I was also in the best shape of my life: not fat.
My bestest friend Almond was pretty excited about a birthday party for a girl named Liezl. I think we received invites via America Online (AOL). We had been anticipating the party for weeks. I invited a few of my friends, but I wasn't sure whether they would come or not.
I invited Erv DeCastro and Joe Cornago. Back in those days, they were my homeboys. Much to my surprise, they decided to come along with Almond and me to the party.
The day was Saturday, August 29. The year: 1998.
We were all 16 years old, except for Almond who would turn 16 a month later. 16 was an awesome age because it meant asking your mom or dad for a ride to wherever you wanted to go. Sometimes I even did this crazy thing called walking. It was wild.
The party was in Union, and luckily for us, my mom worked in Union. So it was settled: my mom would bring us to the party, and Erv's older brother would pick us up.
Sweet.
My mom dropped us off at 6:30 PM. After we greeted Liezl, we attempted to do this thing called mingling (to this day, I still have not learned how to properly do this). There was food, plenty of beverages, and most importantly, for the purpose of staring, there were some cute girls. I probably knew a few because of AOL, but I didn't talk to any of them. My goal was to just hang out and have fun with my friends.
However, the boys would split up a few times, and I'd have to figure out which one to tag along with. I was usually standing next to Almond while he was talking to someone.
"This is my friend," he said as he introduced me to a female. I felt a bit annoyed that he didn't say "best friend" (I always told people he was mine) but I let it slide.
"Oh hi," I replied as I brought my right hand up in a feeble attempt to match what I said with a corresponding gesture. It looked like I was in court and swearing under oath.
Was "Oh hi" the best I could come up with?! At that time, yes it was. Unfortunately, I was not very good at talking to people I did not know, especially girls. This was a weakness that would stay with me for a long long time. Actually, it's still a weakness for me, but let's not get into that right now.
It was warm inside Liezl's house. I wore jeans, a button down, and a zip-up fleece jacket. Not exactly sure why I had the jacket, but it didn't stay on long. I decided to hide it behind a couch. I also had sunglasses on, but I planted those on my shirt.
We proceeded to make our way to the basement. There were even more people down there, about 20-25. Liezl had a DJ providing music and entertainment. I don't remember any specific songs that were played, but I do remember a lot of reggae. Reggae was big in '98. Big.
I took command of my post: the wall. Observing people as they danced and interacted motivated me to try the same (I believe it's called socializing). However, this was just not the day that I would have the balls to do that. And I'm still waiting on them balls, by the way.
After a little while, I made a power move to a nearby pole. I used my right shoulder to lean on it, while I crossed my right foot over my left. I was trying to look as comfortable as possible, but inside I was dying. Dying from the nervousness and awkwardness that had been killing me all evening.
Suddenly, there she was.
She wore a red tanktop and black shorts. I think they were shorts. Maybe a skirt. Either way, it was black, the same color as her long silky hair. She appeared to have a fresh tan, as her caramel skin had a hint of redness to it. Standing at 5'5", she was an excellent height that would complement by 6'0" frame. The girl in red was also in great shape; great arms, wonderful shoulders, a flat stomach, and pretty decent-looking nose.
She was marvelous to look at. A sight for sore eyes. Lucky for me, my eyes were not sore that day. Nonetheless, she was amazing. She was dancing by herself, doing it effortlessly and without any concern for who was watchinig. It was as if a spotlight was shining on her and everything else disappeared into the background.
Suddenly, the spotlight disappeared. She looked up and caught my eyes penetrating through her skull like Superman's lasers.
I quickly gathered myself and went upstairs, trying to act as nonchalant as possible. I was relieved to find my friends hanging out in the kitchen. Almond was talking to a dude named Alan. I described her to the guys and Alan said he knew who she was.
I thought about going back downstairs to talk to her, but that wasn't something that I normally did (or do). So I brushed it off my shoulders, and continued with the party. But we wouldn't stay much longer, as Erv's brother arrived around 9:00 PM. He was about a year or two tolder and did not want to stay.
So we headed back home. I thought it was quite a successful evening. We got a chance to hang out with each other, my friends met a few people, and I got a chance to lean on a wall and a pole. A success by any standard!
A few minutes after we left, I realized that I had left my jacket there. I also noticed that my sunglasses were no longer on my shirt.
We had to go back.
Fortunately, I found my jacket right where I hid it. As for my sunglasses, I figured I may have dropped them in the basement.
As I walked down the staircase, I thought about where I could have dropped them. They were $100 sunglasses, and I was worried that someone may have stolen them or stepped on them.
Then I spotted the shades. They were next to the bottom step of the staircase, and they appeared to be shattered. I bent down to pick them up.
As I stood up observing the sunglasses, there she was. The girl in red was standing right in front of me as though she knew me.
"Do you have a rubber band?" she asked as she gathered her hair into a ponytail.
"No," I replied, "but um ... what's your name?"
"Neenya," she said. "But you can call me Neen."
THE END
Thursday, January 24, 2008
I Am Legend
As some of you may know, I used to blog somewhere else. Today, I was looking at some of my old posts. After reading a few, I found it. The post. The one and only legendary post. I altered the entry slightly because I didn't use caps back then. Everything here is true. The people that were there can attest to that. Enjoy.
----------------------------------------------
May 19, 2004
So I just played my first pickup game in a long time. 5-on-5 full court basketball. The location was the Livingston courts, home to the infamous "black court" and "white/asian court". Game to 16, win by 2.
Early in the game, we find ourselves down 4-10. I had been struggling to find my stroke all night. But after a few easy layups, I finally started sinking my long-range bombs. Then, our star player Lennard injures both knees. After laying on the ground for a good 2 minutes and 18 seconds, he channels Willis Reed, gets up, and then drains two consecutive clutch shots from downtown.
All of a sudden, we find ourselves tied 16 apiece.
The opposing team's towering ballhog misses the go-ahead layup, and Dino somehow comes up with the rebound. He passes it to Lennard, who takes the ball up. He then gives the ball to Perry on the wing. Shortly after, he finds himself double-teamed.
From the corner of his eye, Perry sees me 10 feet from him. With no hesitation, he passes me the ball. Some Indian dude smothers me with tenacious Pippen-like defense. I take one dribble and then I lean to my left in order to put distance between us.
I take a quick glance at the basket.
I aim.
I shoot.
Nanoseconds after the ball is released from my right hand, the lights at the Livingston courts shut off.
With only moonlight shining upon the court, the 10 of us watch as the ball gracefully falls into the basket, touching nothing but the bottom of the net.
Game over. Final score: 18-16.
Call me Lights Out. I am mad legendary.
----------------------------------------------
Crazy right? I can't believe I made that shot. Everytime I think about it, I still can't believe it. The most exciting shots in basketball are when there's a game on the line and a player makes the winning shot at the buzzer. He knows how much time he has left and must release the shot before the buzzer sounds.
In my case, there was no shotclock, no gameclock, and no buzzer. I took the shot, and shortly after it left my hands, the lights shut off, and then the ball went in.
Seriously though, what are the chances?
----------------------------------------------
May 19, 2004
So I just played my first pickup game in a long time. 5-on-5 full court basketball. The location was the Livingston courts, home to the infamous "black court" and "white/asian court". Game to 16, win by 2.
Early in the game, we find ourselves down 4-10. I had been struggling to find my stroke all night. But after a few easy layups, I finally started sinking my long-range bombs. Then, our star player Lennard injures both knees. After laying on the ground for a good 2 minutes and 18 seconds, he channels Willis Reed, gets up, and then drains two consecutive clutch shots from downtown.
All of a sudden, we find ourselves tied 16 apiece.
The opposing team's towering ballhog misses the go-ahead layup, and Dino somehow comes up with the rebound. He passes it to Lennard, who takes the ball up. He then gives the ball to Perry on the wing. Shortly after, he finds himself double-teamed.
From the corner of his eye, Perry sees me 10 feet from him. With no hesitation, he passes me the ball. Some Indian dude smothers me with tenacious Pippen-like defense. I take one dribble and then I lean to my left in order to put distance between us.
I take a quick glance at the basket.
I aim.
I shoot.
Nanoseconds after the ball is released from my right hand, the lights at the Livingston courts shut off.
With only moonlight shining upon the court, the 10 of us watch as the ball gracefully falls into the basket, touching nothing but the bottom of the net.
Game over. Final score: 18-16.
Call me Lights Out. I am mad legendary.
----------------------------------------------
Crazy right? I can't believe I made that shot. Everytime I think about it, I still can't believe it. The most exciting shots in basketball are when there's a game on the line and a player makes the winning shot at the buzzer. He knows how much time he has left and must release the shot before the buzzer sounds.
In my case, there was no shotclock, no gameclock, and no buzzer. I took the shot, and shortly after it left my hands, the lights shut off, and then the ball went in.
Seriously though, what are the chances?
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
My pen has a fork. I'm cool now.
"Hey do you have a fork?"
"No, but my pen does!"
Excellent work. This is exactly what I need in my life. NOT.
Actually, maybe this is good for all you pen chewers out there. You know who you are. You's a bunch of nasty mofo's. Now you can have your pen and eat it too. Or at least eat with it.
And there's nothing like borrowing a pen from a pen chewer and being handed a half-chewed STD-infested pen cap. We love those. We really do.
Ew
"No, but my pen does!"
Excellent work. This is exactly what I need in my life. NOT.
Actually, maybe this is good for all you pen chewers out there. You know who you are. You's a bunch of nasty mofo's. Now you can have your pen and eat it too. Or at least eat with it.
And there's nothing like borrowing a pen from a pen chewer and being handed a half-chewed STD-infested pen cap. We love those. We really do.
Ew
Sleepy Weepy
You've probably seen this already, but I thought it was too hilarious not to post.
Bill Clinton falling asleep at a service on Martin Luther King Day.
Bill Clinton falling asleep at a service on Martin Luther King Day.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Ayo Technology / Facebook Whore
Some of you may not know this, but sometimes I request quasi-famous people on Facebook. A few months ago I discovered clarkandmichael.com, a website created by Clark Duke and Michael Cera (from Juno and Arrested Development). They had created webisodes and whatnot and I thought it was funny.
I searched for Michael Cera on Facebook, but I couldn't find the real one. Then I found Clark Duke and I added him. I went through his friends list and I saw Jonah Hill (Cera's chubby costar in Superbad). He still has not accepted my friend request.
Anyways, besides those guys I also requested Natali Del Conte, former host of TeXtra, a weekly video blog dedicated to technology news. I added her because, well, she's attractive and because she loves gadgets and technology!
I logged onto my Facebook last night, and I saw that there were new photos of Natali Del Conte from her going away party. She is now in New York and is working for CNET. One of the pictures caught me by surprise! She had taken a photograph with another tech/gadget girl, Veronica Belmont (as some of you may know, I have just recently started paying attention to her). I added her as soon as I saw she had a Facebook account.
You guys may not think that they're attractive, but in a geeky way, I think they are. Am I strange for feeling like that? Am I seriously that geeky now? Oh well.
Anyways, I showed you guys a photo of Veronica before. Natali has some photos online, but I want to change it up a bit and show a video. So here you go. Here are her outtakes and bloopers from her (now old) show TeXtra. You seriously have to play it! She's so adorable, in that techie kind of way.
Ayo, Timberlake, I am certainly NOT tired of using technology. Thank you very much!
Ayoooooo (sing it in your head now)
Update: Yay! Veronica Belmont has accepted my friend request. Meanwhile, Jonah Hill is too cool for me. I mean, I guess technically he is too cool, being in movies and all. But c'mon Jonah! I love your work! :sigh: At least I'm now Facebook friends with Natali AND Veronica. Yes, I agree, I live a sad sad life.
I searched for Michael Cera on Facebook, but I couldn't find the real one. Then I found Clark Duke and I added him. I went through his friends list and I saw Jonah Hill (Cera's chubby costar in Superbad). He still has not accepted my friend request.
Anyways, besides those guys I also requested Natali Del Conte, former host of TeXtra, a weekly video blog dedicated to technology news. I added her because, well, she's attractive and because she loves gadgets and technology!
I logged onto my Facebook last night, and I saw that there were new photos of Natali Del Conte from her going away party. She is now in New York and is working for CNET. One of the pictures caught me by surprise! She had taken a photograph with another tech/gadget girl, Veronica Belmont (as some of you may know, I have just recently started paying attention to her). I added her as soon as I saw she had a Facebook account.
You guys may not think that they're attractive, but in a geeky way, I think they are. Am I strange for feeling like that? Am I seriously that geeky now? Oh well.
Anyways, I showed you guys a photo of Veronica before. Natali has some photos online, but I want to change it up a bit and show a video. So here you go. Here are her outtakes and bloopers from her (now old) show TeXtra. You seriously have to play it! She's so adorable, in that techie kind of way.
Ayo, Timberlake, I am certainly NOT tired of using technology. Thank you very much!
Ayoooooo (sing it in your head now)
Update: Yay! Veronica Belmont has accepted my friend request. Meanwhile, Jonah Hill is too cool for me. I mean, I guess technically he is too cool, being in movies and all. But c'mon Jonah! I love your work! :sigh: At least I'm now Facebook friends with Natali AND Veronica. Yes, I agree, I live a sad sad life.
Monday, January 21, 2008
The Biggest Loser II
I apologize for not updating you guys with the original Biggest Loser competition. After a little controversy concerning how many times one weighs in on the final weigh-in, KillaCal and I were co-champions. Jimmy and Kelvin both gained weight during the 6-week competition. When KillaCal weighed in, he was a half-pound over what he needed to win. After he took off his hoodie and urinated, he got the extra 0.5 lbs. It was too close to call (percentage-wise), so we decided to split. We each won $30.
But technically, I won.
Anticlimactic, I know.
This past weekend, we weighed in once more. This time, it was for $50 from each loser; thus, a $300 grand prize. The competitors: Jones, Jimmy, Kelvin, KillCal. Evan “The Bear Man” Abuello has not yet weighed in.
Earlier today, Hank stopped by. I allowed him to weigh in. He is the lightest among the competitors. Before he stepped on the scale, he told me that he had been drinking water and eating all day. Then he took one more chug of his drink and proceeded to weigh himself.
209.0 lbs.
Two months ago he was 190ish. Nice job, Hank. You probably have the best shot at winning this.
Then Hank decided it was time for a #2. After what seemed to be 10-15 minutes in the bathroom, he emerged. Along with his look of relief came a smell that I can only describe as “fucking nasty as fuck.” He went to the scale once more.
204.5 lbs.
He had lost a staggering 4.5 lbs after pooping. Amazing. I had lost 5 lbs overnight, but this was extremely amazing. Obviously, the scale is not 100% accurate, but a 4.5 pound drop is still nothing to scoff at.
However, Hank was not done. Minutes after taking the 4.5-lb shit, Hank finally had to pee.
202.0 lbs.
He lost 7 lbs in less than an hour.
Granted, he was using some extreme measures to gain as much weight as possible. Thus, I’m probably going to have to modify some of the weigh-in rules if there’s a Biggest Loser III.
It’s safe to say that after losing 3.35% of his weight, Hank is currently TBLII’s leader.
An hour later, he called me to let me know that he took a 3-minute piss.
But technically, I won.
Anticlimactic, I know.
This past weekend, we weighed in once more. This time, it was for $50 from each loser; thus, a $300 grand prize. The competitors: Jones, Jimmy, Kelvin, KillCal. Evan “The Bear Man” Abuello has not yet weighed in.
Earlier today, Hank stopped by. I allowed him to weigh in. He is the lightest among the competitors. Before he stepped on the scale, he told me that he had been drinking water and eating all day. Then he took one more chug of his drink and proceeded to weigh himself.
209.0 lbs.
Two months ago he was 190ish. Nice job, Hank. You probably have the best shot at winning this.
Then Hank decided it was time for a #2. After what seemed to be 10-15 minutes in the bathroom, he emerged. Along with his look of relief came a smell that I can only describe as “fucking nasty as fuck.” He went to the scale once more.
204.5 lbs.
He had lost a staggering 4.5 lbs after pooping. Amazing. I had lost 5 lbs overnight, but this was extremely amazing. Obviously, the scale is not 100% accurate, but a 4.5 pound drop is still nothing to scoff at.
However, Hank was not done. Minutes after taking the 4.5-lb shit, Hank finally had to pee.
202.0 lbs.
He lost 7 lbs in less than an hour.
Granted, he was using some extreme measures to gain as much weight as possible. Thus, I’m probably going to have to modify some of the weigh-in rules if there’s a Biggest Loser III.
It’s safe to say that after losing 3.35% of his weight, Hank is currently TBLII’s leader.
An hour later, he called me to let me know that he took a 3-minute piss.
Quotables
Highlights from my weekend.
FRIDAY - When I got home from work, Troy came over with some Portuguese food from a spot that he used to frequent near my apartment. He always talked about it but I had never tasted it.
Troy: C'mon let's eat. This shit is good.
Me: I'm sorry, but we have to go to West Coast Video first.
Troy: Why?
Me: We gotta rent a movie. Blu-ray, specifically.
Troy: Um okay? I don't get it.
Me: Troy, I like to watch movies when I eat dinner on a Friday at home. Especially when it's as delicious as what you've brought here tonight.
Troy: Let's do it. It's across the street anyway.
[30 - 40 minutes later]
Me: So much for that. I can never find anything. Let's watch Kiss Kiss Bang Bang on Blu-ray. I haven't even opened it yet.
Troy: Food's cold.
Later on, Sweet Mike and Dino came by. Dino was going to watch Cloverfield for the second time while Sweet Mike had yet to see it.
Sweet Mike: Did you really puke or were you lying about that?
Me: Would I really want to lie about puking? Does it make me look like a badass? C'mon!
SATURDAY - Alicia, a former BFF of mine (now we've upgraded to BFFAEAE) decided to hang out with us North Jerseyans. She forced me to go with her and Andrea (a BFF runner-up) to a place in Hackensack that does hair, nails, etc. Let's call this place The Vagina Waxing Place.
Waxer: Three Brazilians?
Alicia: No, just two.
Waxer: I'm sorry, I saw three and-
Me: It's okay. Do you do knuckles too?
[crickets]
Me: Okay, tough crowd. Yeah, I'll sit this one out.
Afterwards, we headed over to Garden State Plaza and met up with Jimmy. Alicia decided that she was going to be purchasing her first Apple! Andrea made an appointment to have her MacBook looked at. Our friend Don was working as well.
Andrea: My Yahoo search doesn't work right.
Me: Why the fuck are you using Yahoo? There's a Google bar right there.
Don: He's right. You do have a Google bar.
Andrea: I know, but slickdeal.net doesn't work either.
Me: How often must you look for these deals, woman? Jeez!
Andrea: See that? It goes to porn sites for no reason.
Me: Okay, I've never seen anyone fuck up their Mac as much as you have. I didn't know this was possible.
Jimmy: Yes, this is a first.
Me: Thank you, Jimmy the Shrimp. Andrea, you're wasting Don's time. Don, how's Lucille?
Don: She broke up with me a month ago.
Me: I just saw your Christmas pictures on Facebook.
Don: Damn it, you got me!
After she bought her MacBook, Alicia discussed the placebo pills in women's...yaknow, THE pill.
Me: Do you ever eat the placebo pills?
Alicia: I usually don't.
Me: So what do placebo pills taste like?
Alicia: Like placebo.
Me: Oh, okay. So placebo has a taste now.
Sweet Mike called me while I was at the mall.
Sweet Mike: Yo, I don't get Cloverfield.
Me: What do you mean?
Sweet Mike: I don't get it.
Me: It wasn't filmed in a traditional way. It was a group's account of the attack. We walk into the movie with questions, and we walk out of it with even more questions. It wasn't your typical Hollywood movie where everything is explained, there are heroes to save the day, and there's closure. This movie was not your typical Hollywood movie.
Sweet Mike: Yeah, I don't get it.
Me: I have to pee, Mike. I'll call you later.
SUNDAY- AFC & NFC Championship games.
Jimmy: Did you see G's away message? His brother might be gay.
Me: No way. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but no way!
Jimmy: Seriously.
Me: My Facebook profile says I'm gay. I changed it to "Interested in men" back in September I think.
Alicia: Why would you do that?
Me: I have no idea. Thought it was funny at the time.
Alicia: You're so gay.
Me: Only on Facebook!
I later discussed the events that transpired at Evan "The Bear Man" Abuello's apartment the night before. Dino, Lennard, and KillaCal were there; I was not.
Me: So how many girls were at Abuello's?
Dino: There were like seven.
Me: And you were doing what?
Dino: Motorboating them. Like in Wedding Crashers.
Me: I stayed home and watched Knocked Up with Alicia and you guys did what?
Dino: We were motorboating bitches. And dancing, and jumping as quietly as possible, and taking pictures. We had a video of four girls and one cake.
Me: Okay, so did anything else happen? Did you hook up with a girl, or maybe a guy?
Dino: Nah, mainly motorboating.
Me: Damn.
Dino: Oh, and I was motoroboating this one girl while her boyfriend was in the next room.
Me: You're all about girls with boyfriends*.
Dino: That's how I do.
*here's an example
FRIDAY - When I got home from work, Troy came over with some Portuguese food from a spot that he used to frequent near my apartment. He always talked about it but I had never tasted it.
Troy: C'mon let's eat. This shit is good.
Me: I'm sorry, but we have to go to West Coast Video first.
Troy: Why?
Me: We gotta rent a movie. Blu-ray, specifically.
Troy: Um okay? I don't get it.
Me: Troy, I like to watch movies when I eat dinner on a Friday at home. Especially when it's as delicious as what you've brought here tonight.
Troy: Let's do it. It's across the street anyway.
[30 - 40 minutes later]
Me: So much for that. I can never find anything. Let's watch Kiss Kiss Bang Bang on Blu-ray. I haven't even opened it yet.
Troy: Food's cold.
Later on, Sweet Mike and Dino came by. Dino was going to watch Cloverfield for the second time while Sweet Mike had yet to see it.
Sweet Mike: Did you really puke or were you lying about that?
Me: Would I really want to lie about puking? Does it make me look like a badass? C'mon!
SATURDAY - Alicia, a former BFF of mine (now we've upgraded to BFFAEAE) decided to hang out with us North Jerseyans. She forced me to go with her and Andrea (a BFF runner-up) to a place in Hackensack that does hair, nails, etc. Let's call this place The Vagina Waxing Place.
Waxer: Three Brazilians?
Alicia: No, just two.
Waxer: I'm sorry, I saw three and-
Me: It's okay. Do you do knuckles too?
[crickets]
Me: Okay, tough crowd. Yeah, I'll sit this one out.
Afterwards, we headed over to Garden State Plaza and met up with Jimmy. Alicia decided that she was going to be purchasing her first Apple! Andrea made an appointment to have her MacBook looked at. Our friend Don was working as well.
Andrea: My Yahoo search doesn't work right.
Me: Why the fuck are you using Yahoo? There's a Google bar right there.
Don: He's right. You do have a Google bar.
Andrea: I know, but slickdeal.net doesn't work either.
Me: How often must you look for these deals, woman? Jeez!
Andrea: See that? It goes to porn sites for no reason.
Me: Okay, I've never seen anyone fuck up their Mac as much as you have. I didn't know this was possible.
Jimmy: Yes, this is a first.
Me: Thank you, Jimmy the Shrimp. Andrea, you're wasting Don's time. Don, how's Lucille?
Don: She broke up with me a month ago.
Me: I just saw your Christmas pictures on Facebook.
Don: Damn it, you got me!
After she bought her MacBook, Alicia discussed the placebo pills in women's...yaknow, THE pill.
Me: Do you ever eat the placebo pills?
Alicia: I usually don't.
Me: So what do placebo pills taste like?
Alicia: Like placebo.
Me: Oh, okay. So placebo has a taste now.
Sweet Mike called me while I was at the mall.
Sweet Mike: Yo, I don't get Cloverfield.
Me: What do you mean?
Sweet Mike: I don't get it.
Me: It wasn't filmed in a traditional way. It was a group's account of the attack. We walk into the movie with questions, and we walk out of it with even more questions. It wasn't your typical Hollywood movie where everything is explained, there are heroes to save the day, and there's closure. This movie was not your typical Hollywood movie.
Sweet Mike: Yeah, I don't get it.
Me: I have to pee, Mike. I'll call you later.
SUNDAY- AFC & NFC Championship games.
Jimmy: Did you see G's away message? His brother might be gay.
Me: No way. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but no way!
Jimmy: Seriously.
Me: My Facebook profile says I'm gay. I changed it to "Interested in men" back in September I think.
Alicia: Why would you do that?
Me: I have no idea. Thought it was funny at the time.
Alicia: You're so gay.
Me: Only on Facebook!
I later discussed the events that transpired at Evan "The Bear Man" Abuello's apartment the night before. Dino, Lennard, and KillaCal were there; I was not.
Me: So how many girls were at Abuello's?
Dino: There were like seven.
Me: And you were doing what?
Dino: Motorboating them. Like in Wedding Crashers.
Me: I stayed home and watched Knocked Up with Alicia and you guys did what?
Dino: We were motorboating bitches. And dancing, and jumping as quietly as possible, and taking pictures. We had a video of four girls and one cake.
Me: Okay, so did anything else happen? Did you hook up with a girl, or maybe a guy?
Dino: Nah, mainly motorboating.
Me: Damn.
Dino: Oh, and I was motoroboating this one girl while her boyfriend was in the next room.
Me: You're all about girls with boyfriends*.
Dino: That's how I do.
*here's an example
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